I start Monday with a Lyft ride to the Long Beach airport and a short flight to Phoenix. In Phoenix I get on an airplane, sit their for an hour or so, and then get off the airplane because we have to switch airplances due to a mechanical issue. There's another delay and everyone is grumbling that they'll be missing their connecting flights. But I just remain calm because I'll have enough things to get stressed out over in the next few weeks. We finally get on a plane and have a smooth ride to Philadelphia. The airline does put all of us up at a hotel and seven of us go to the hotel restaurant and have dinner and laugh and tell travel and life stories. I also met a Providence couple (who stayed at a different hotel) but who offerred help and probate lawyer contacts and so I exchange contact information with them.
Everyone is up early to catch the shuttle bus to the airport and we say our goodbyes. I run into the Providence couple and we sit and talk until our flight boards. They are both very intelligent and very friendly people! I finally get to Providence on my 3P trip (Phoenix, Philadelphia, and Providence). I've already missed scheduled appointments and rearrange them and get to three funeral homes. I finally select the last one (which was also recommended by my brother's friend and which is closest to Brown University where my brother's friends and ex-coworkers are). I stop off at the realty company and the manager takes me to my brother's apartment. And now the shock sets in.
The building manager lets me in and keeps an eye on my face. I try to keep my facial expression stable though I am shocked, stunned, and embarrassed about the condition of my brother's apartment. Okay, he has a ton of books, music CDs, and sports simulation cards and games (i.e., tabletop game). My brother and I played a lot of tabletop games as kids, but mainly football and baseball. He has football, baseball, basketball, ice hockey, golf, wrstling, boxing, soccer, rugby, cricket, and bowling. And his kitchen and bathrooms are disasters - I don't think he cleaned either in the two years that he has lived there. You can certainly walk through the apartment, but there's a ton of stuff that I have to dispostion. I swear he has more cat food bowls than televisions (Three) and more telelvisions than people dishes. This is going to be a BIG job.
On Thursday I visit the Swan Point cemetary and ash spreading area. I like what I see - green trees, a river, squirrels, and wild turkies running around. So I sign the papers to spread my brother's ashes in the area and have his name inscribed in stone. I like the one stone because at this time of year the sun rises across it and gives it a bright springtime shine! I go back to the apartment to continue arranging things, dispositioning things, and looking for traces of financial records. I manage to find a bank deposit slip, a life insurance policy, and a retirement account. I arrange for a Tuesday Salvation Army pickup of "a tone of books" and then I drive to the funeral home to see my brother. I'm shocked (again) that he has black hair. He was always a light brown haired man. (I later learn that he had just dyed his hair black in December.) My brother has aged since the last pictures that I have of him but he's my brother and I say some words and cry and I ask him why he didn't ask for more help. But maybe he didn't know that he needed more help. The funeral director shows me what was in my brother's possession and there is a phone. I go back to the apartment and clean some more and run into a resident and ask him, "Hey, do you want a flat panel bigscreen television?" He hesitates until I say "FREE" He comes to take a look and thinks he will take one but he's also eyeing the stationary exercise bike. I tease him with "Now don't get greedy" but I plug it in and show him that it works. I give Kahn my number and I surprise him with some Urdu greetings and thanks since I hear he is from Pakistan. And I show him my passport stamp from Pakistan and he's really excited for me but also wondering how far out of MY mind that I am for going to Pakistan. Hopefully Kahn will take a television and exercise bicycle and make my life easier. Today I go to a Thai restaurant for lunch and practice my THai language skills along with enjoying the food. I start talking with Koi, the Thai waitress, and she offers her condolences about my situation and we talk about each others' lives. And surprising there is a Thai Songkran festival (Thai new year) in the area on Sunday and invites me to it. I'm looking forward to a couple hours at the festival and to receiving a tour of the temple with Koi. Back at the apartment I find the mobile phone charger and try to get the phone to run but it is probably really dead and needs and overnight charge. But later I try it and there is no password on it! It might give me some help. I drop off some books and clothes at Salvation Army and then go to Brown University to meet my brother's former co-workers.
I stick my head in the door and Liza says, "Ray?" And I say, "Who?" And this goes on for three times before somebody behind the door from me says, "That's Richard's brother - I can tell from the voice" And we all start laughing because my brother used to tease people like I do. I give everyone who comes into the office a hug even though I am meeting them for the first time. We have a great time sharing stories and pictures of my brother and just random people come in and realize I'm his borther and share a story of how my brother helped them along with one of their projects over the years. I'm really proud of everyone describing my brother as "helping everyone", "knew where every piece of equipment, film, or video was", "was trmendously funny", "was hard working", and many other similar quotes. They share with me a huge number of comments on their facebook page of former students telling anecdotes of my brother helping them throughout the years. We spend three hours together talking about all sorts of things including selecting photos of my brother to display and the wording of the obituary. And then I drive on home and realize I didn't call the cat rescue lady. So I call her and we make arrangements for a permanent adoption of my brother's cat and I ask her to email me her information and a non-profit rescue organization so that I can send them donations (as my brother had indicated with is prior discussions with me of his will and trust).
I wake up on Thursday night into Friday morning wondering how my brother's condition got to be this bad. And I toss and turn and cannot sleep. And then the fire alarm in the hotel goes off. K take ths seriously and get dressed and get on ym hands and knees and feel the door for heat before slowly opening it. There is no sign of smoke or fire and a maintenance guy comes around and says that an electrical trnaformer has blown and set off the fire alarm. Just go back to sleep. And I put in my earplugs and try to sleep.
I start Friday at the funeral home director's office and we continue planning the memorial service and flowers and posters and background video. I then go to the apartment and start filling boxes with books. And I also call Salvsation Army to arrange a pickup of "Ten bxes of books, three flat panel telelvisions, and two exercise machines". They schedule the pickup for Tuesday. Over Thursday and Friday I fill 12 boxes of books and two of CDs that I deliver to Salvation Army myself (in advance of the ten boxes to be picked up). Kahn comes by the paratment and we move a television and one exercise machine to his apartment in the same complex. He's contrite about my brother's passing and thankfull for the free merchandise. And after I get tired on Friday packing things up, without having touched the kitchen or bathroom yet, I go grab dinner and go to my hotel to plan the next few days. But I post two notes on the apartment complex doors with pictures of the two remaining televisions, a number of bookcases, and the remaining exercise equipment with a "FREE TO GOOD HOME" title on the page and a "Come to unit 30 - first come, first served" set of instructions.
Saturday morning is pouring rain, but I get to Target and Lowe's to pickup cleaning supplies and get to the apartment early. My brother's former boss and department chair has offerred to help me clean the apartment. I am so embarrassed about the condition of it and I tell her so. But she says she helped my brother clean out his office when he retired, so she knows what she's getting into. Nonetheless I get to the apartment early and clean the kitchen and start on the bathroom to make them less shocking. The kitchen cleans easily but the bathroom does not. Susaan, the department chari, shows up after noon and we deicde on a course of action and work along. Two Chinese students at Brown, one a chemist and one a materials science engineer, come and take the largest television, a TV stand, a table, and a microwave. THey are both nice students and give me condolences over my loss and thanks for the donations. They do this over and over and I just tell them to use the items to learn and explore and then share them with someone else in the future. They both think about coming back for a bookshelf or two, but later text me and say that they don't have room. Susan and I take a water break and talk about things and plan the last hour of work. t some point I tell her that we are done - let's just take a load or two out to the dumpster because we've made a lot of progress on every front. And I profusely thank her for the help because her help was both cleaning and moral.
Each night of this trip I check my list of things to do and re-plan the next few days. And deal with telephone calls from cousins and friends offerring their support. I can actually feel the prayers of the cousins (who are still practicing Catholics) pushing me forward. On Friday I take some "me time" and stream the Formula One qualifying from China and the MotoGP qualifying from Texas.
I start Sunday at the apartment and do some more cleaning and grab the items to be displayed at my brother's memorial service. I then get to Staples and get the posters made (to be picked up later today). From there I drive out to Raynham, MA for the Thai new year festival. There's a good crowd and many people are surprised when Iwish them happy new year in Thai and can hold my own in basic conversations. A couple people compliment me on my pronunication because even I can tell when a non-Thai person is trying to speak Thai and it sounds horrible. I find Koi from the Thai restaurant and she greets me with a big smile and introduces me to her friends. She's working, but she finds me some Thai tea and we hang out a bit before I go walk around the temple and just smile and greet a lot of people. At one point I walk past this younger Thai man who is alone and seems a bit sad. I think about it for a couple minutes and turn back and introduce myself in Thai and say to him, "You seem sad even though your should be happy for Thai new year". He says he isn't sad, but I sit with him and talk with him a bit. I eventually give him my number. I remember his name as Wirarot because I had a Thai friend in Bangkok with the same name. I go back and Koi is not at her restarant stall but I wander around and see her dancing. So I surprise her and go dance with her and her friends. Pretty soon she is up on the stage and singing the next few songs! Nonetheless I dance a bit more but have to go pick up the posters, so I finally give her my number and she gives me a hug and we say we'll meet again when I go to Boston/Providence or she and her friends visit Los Angeles. The rest of Sunday is spent picking up the posters, watching the Chinese Grand Prix, and re-organizing my notes for my brother's eulogy.
On Sunday night into Monday morning it is pouring like crazy with thunder and lightning. And early in the morning the power in the hotel goes out. I quickly jump in the shower to get in a warm shower in case the hot water is electric powered. Do you know how hard it is to take a shower in the dark in an unfamiliar bathroom? I start Monday morning at the funeral home to pivk up my borther's death certificates. After that I go clean the apartment some more and then meet with the probate lawyer. He explains the RHode Island rules and we get the process started. From there I go to the hotel to relax, take a shower, practice my eulogy, and get dressed.
I arrive at the funeral home at 3:10 and we re-arrange some things and then I sit and think of the fun times I've had with my brother. People start arriving before the 4:00 pm start time. So I start greeting people and listening to their stories of my brother and share my own when prompted. Eventually I call everyone together to get started at 6:00 pm. I welcome people, thank them, and start in on highlights of my brother's life before Providence. I talk for 25 minutes and then Brown chaplain Jermaine Pearson speaks. And then we throw it open to the audience. Six or seven people come up and share their learning and funny stories with my brother. Everyone wants gto keep going, but I stop things near 7:00 pm. Eventually a group of my brother's friends and I head out to talk and grab a quick dinner. Everyone I've met is very nice and so appreciative of my brother's help. I could not be more proud of my older brother.
Salvation Army is supposed to show up at the apartment sometime on Tuesday between 8 and 12, so I start working away on cleaning up. As I'm taking a load out to the dumpster I run into a Korean student and ask him if he wants a television. He does and he quickly grabs it so that he can still make it to his class. He's very appreciatie of the gift, another materials science engineering student, and also consoling at the news of my brother's death. I'm making a lot of progress and I instersperse laundry with phone calls to credit card agencies, banks, mobile phone suppliers, and other agencies to notify them of my brother's death. Salvation Army shows up at 1:50pm and I twist their arms to take extra things. Then I make stops at the bank and mobile phone supplier because they need to see me in person and I also drop off a load to UPS to ship to Long Beach. I finally get to my hotel and watch a fun MotoGP race where my favorite rider from the last five years gets his first MotoGP win (after wins in Moto3 and Moto2 coming up the ranks, of course). And I finally turn a television on for the first time on this trip and have an ice hockey playoff game playing in the background as I relax. I'm just not feeling well and have to make a couple of fast trips to the bathroom - the impact of my brother's death probably now hitting me after staying away long enough for me to get through his memorial service and other matters.
On Wednesday I meet the funeral home director and Swan Point cemetary manager to scatter Richard's ashes. I say a few prayers and leave the contents of his wallet at the time of his death on the marblestone where his name will be engraved - namely, a single dollar bill and a sports tabletop game card for Camille Joseph Wilfred "The Eel" Henry of the 1962-63 New York Rangers. I go finish cleaning the apartment and turn in the key to the landlord and finally cancel my brother's Internet and television subscriptions. I run a few other errands but go back to my hotel and read the news and listen to music from the recent Ultra Music Festival in Miami. And later watch some ice hockey playoff games.
I sleep well on Wednesday night to make up for Tuesday night's horrible sleep. After breakfast I go to one of my brother's favorite bakeries and buy a chocolate cake to take to the Brown MCM people. My brother was addicted to cakes and the Brown people knew that, so they enjoy the idea and taste of the cake that I brought. I visit for two hours and then leave them alone. I run a last errand, drive by one of my brother's prior residences, grab lunch, and go back to my hotel. I meet up with with my new, non-Brown friends at their home near 5 pm. I get a tour of their beautiful house and the stories around the remodeling and the history of varous pieces. They have a big dog, Luka (or maybe Luca using a Spanish/Italian spelling), who remindes me of Nopey because he is friendly, energetic, and loves to be touched and petted. When Bill comes home we walk to a restaurant which is crowded and go to an Indian restaurant. I really like Bill and Jean because they are well-thought out, friendly, silly, and compassionate. After dinner we go back to thir home and, at 8:48, I say, "I should probably go because both of you have things to do in the morning". Soon I look at the clock and say, "It's 9:49 and I should go". We've spent almost five hours together telling stories, talking life philosophy, playing with the dog, and playing 1960/70s television trivia. I take leave, apologize if I over-stayed my welcome, and tell them that since I owe them dinner, they are stuck with me in their lives for a while. And we make rough plans to meet up in San Francisco in September.
I get to Providence airport very early on Friday and wait through a number of delays on the first of my three flights. We finally get going but I'm thinking that there is no way that I will make my next flight. We arrive and, surprisingly, a number of people stay seated to let people with tight connections leave the airplane first. As I'm running through the airplane I try to thank each and everyone who is seated and allowing the "tight connection" travelers to go ahead. I start running from A5 to B5 in Charlotte. Many people see me coming (i.e., the old ox running at them like a bull in the running in Pamplona) and get out of the way. They've already given my seat away on the next leg but they find me a seat and I stagger my way onto the flight - bumping into a number of people who are already seated. I get my seat and the lady next to me asks me to switch seats with her husband so that they can sit together, and I do - moving up towards the front of the aircraft with an aisle seat. The rest of the trip goes smoothly ending with an Uber driver and I talking about Queen's music since their movie "Bohemain Rhapsody" has been out for a while and well-talked about.
At home I take a Kava root extract for deep sleep, unpack, and organize things to hit the ground running on Saturday. Into the first 4.5 hours of sleep on Friday I am SO OUT - the kava root extract doing its thing. And then I get more deep sleep in, but feel the lingering effects of the Kava root extract. At 6 am on Saturday I am awake and out the door for cycling near 6:40 am. It's a good ride and I take my time getting the legs back up to speed and push up the San Gabrial river trail. After a shower I go buy some groceries, sort through the mail, do the laundry, and trim the roses/carnations. This is prime growing season so both the roses and carnations are out of control and I bring as many of both as I can into the house. I take some time to cook vegetables for the coming week and then write a few thank you notes to people and organizations that were helpfull to me. Now I am tired, so I spend a bit of time in front of the television in the early afternoon hours. Later in the day I start to discard items in my house that are old or unused and I also organize all of the notes, forms, and contacts from the Providence trip so that they will be handy when I need them in the coming weeks.
I sleep very well on Saturday night into Sunday morning. I'm awake at 5:30 am and relax and think before the alarm goes off at 5:55 am. I'm out the door for a good road bicycle ride with very few riders out this early in the morning. After a shower at home I get on the other bicycle and mail some thank you letters, deposit my US income tax refund (which was for 420 received on 420) at the ATM, and pick up a couple of supplies at the CVS pharmacy. When I get home I wash all of the hardowd floors and then sit down to take a break. I know that this is the lull before the storm when I get named executor/adminstrator of my brother's estate on Tuesday or Wednesday, so I try to get things accomplished before that storm. I also continue to look through various items and try to discard items that have no familia or sentimental value. I know that on Monday and Tuesday I will receive the "sentimental" items that I shipped from my brother's apartment, so there has to be room made for those items.
I start Monday with some financial projections in order to be ready to meet a financial advisor. At mid morning I go for a long walk and then spend more time cleaning up the roses - they just grew so wildly when I was gone. I then add some more photos to my website at the link for my brother. Early in the afternoon I finally sit down and watch the Moto3 race from 14 April 2019. And then watch some ice hockay playoff games.