Content-type: text/html Ray Manning

Monday, February 23, 2004 8:00 AM


Person N_V and I have continued discussions throughout the week as we try to decide what to do. We probably both know what the outcome should be but are both unwilling to admit it. Perhaps the Friday night conversation constitutes a preliminary version of "The Talk".

Since I have not received a call from the veterinarian since Nopey was put to rest, I call the veterinarian. The lady at the office comes back on the line after going to look for Nopey's status and says, "He's here". Poor Nopey has been waiting for me for who know's how long and he's probably feeling abandonded. I make a note to myself to go pick up Nopey.

On Thursday I leave work in the middle of the day to head down to the Orange County Adoptions office. We meet with a nice man and he gives us some pointers regarding the submission of a proposal to Orange County. The man was hard to read, but both Joseph and Ruby "read" that he would help us.

On Thursday Nopey gets his first - and last - motorcycle ride. I pick up his ashes at the veterinarian, load them into my backpack, and head for home on the motorcycle. I don't want to scare Nopey too much, so the fastest that we go is about 75 mph (on surface streets).

On Saturday morning the alarm goes off before 6 am. When asked by Person N_V why I am getting up so early, I respond with, "Because Nopey and I used to go to the river at this time. So that's when he should be put there." I say my goodbyes to Person N_V because he is leaving for Mexico with his family and I head for the river. I take pictures of the that Nopey had as I scatter ashes at these points. When I get to his favorite place in the Los Angeles river, where he used to jump in and lie down in in order to cool off, I say a prayer for Nopey and scatter his ashes in the river. In the same amount of time that it took for Nopey to take his last breath and close his eyes for good, he is now headed towards the ocean. I watch the currents and the ashes for 10 minutes, feeling tears welling up at times, and then I head for home. As I'm there I consider walking out into the river, laying down, and letting the water take me away too. But I don't do it. On the walk back to the car I hide behind a bush as I used to do with Nopey. I almost expect him to come running back past me - hard on the brakes as he sees me at the last minute and has to stop. But as all of us know, Nopey doesn't come running past me. And with that 75 minutes walk, Nopey is gone.

Saturday is a blah day as it rains throughtout the day. I get out for a wet walk and lift weights, but then restrict myself to indoor activities such as a haircut, lots of paperwork at home, and other little things. Joe comes over at 8:45 pm and we head off to pick up Person J_VKPI to go clubbing. Person J_VKPI is waiting for us ("Oh my gosh - the world is coming to an end"). It is very wet out so there aren't many people at the club until later than usual. The music is good and there are a few acquaintances, such as Person F_F and Person JJ_F, present. There are a number of people who keep eyeing me, but I avoid eye contact and pretend not to notice them. There is still one offer made that I shrug off. And a nice person comes and introduces himself and we have a brief chat before it is time for me and my entourage to leave. But I tell him that I'll be back in a couple weeks and we can keep talking. The drive home is very wet and so I tell Joe to close his eyes. He keeps telling me to slow down as I pass cars around curves and I say, "We're only going 80". Later he does close his eyes, but I think that it is for a brief nap before he has to drive the 3 miles home from my house. I'm down for sleep before 2:30 am on Sunday.

Sunday is another blah day though I get out for two (wet) walks and get in a good session with the weights. It is an emotional day as I keep thinking about things with Person N_V. I get out and buy reading material for the trip to Fort Wayne on Monday. And pack. And conclude the weekend as I cry myself to sleep.