Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights are taken up with website development. In addition to the resourcescout work and the extra adoptions site (that is starting to get some publicity, by the way), there is another new site under development related to hostile takeovers. This is getting to be a lot of work, but interesting work.
On Thursday night I check out the 12 bare root roses that were planted just before new year's. On each there is some new growth indicating that the plants are taking to their new homes quite nicely. I just need to buy 5 more to fill the remaining holes.
On Saturday morning the neighbor from two doors down comes over and says, "Cuervo died yesterday morning". Cuervo is the neighbor's 12 year old, 140 pound Rottweiler/Black Lab mix that Nopey used to fight with. He reaches out to shake my hand and I give him a hug instead - somewhat throwing him off balance in the process. We talk about the loss and how old Nopey is and if he's going to get another dog soon.
On Saturday night there is to be another one of those ice skating fund raisers that I help out at. But prior to the event I get out for a good bicycle ride, mow the lawn, and work some more on the adoptions web site. I also help Person M_P pick out and transport a crib for his sister. (Did I ever think that I would spend part of a Saturday afternoon at a Babies R Us store?)
I drop Person M_P off at his apartment and now I have about an hour to kill before the 10pm skating party start. So I drive over (from K-Town) to downtown Los Angeles. As I'm eastbound on 7th street near Flower the mobile phone starts ringing. And ringing. In rapid succession there are phone calls from Brandon, Dao, and Person M_C. I have to explain to each that I am at 7th/Flower or 7th/Towne or 5th/Los Angeles and what I am doing here at night. Person M_C specifically wants to ask me about adopting a kid. Now why does Person M_C think that I know anything about adopting a kid? Or should I ask, how did Person M_C so quickly find out my connection with the adoptions website. In the midst of the conversation Person M_C asks me, "Do you want to hear me pee?" But before I can answer I hear noise in the background and Person M_C says, "You took too long to answer. I couldn't wait."
I end up driving around downtown LA, the artists district within downtown LA, the area north of downtown LA, the Echo Park district, and SilverLake. There's a coffeehouse open in the artists district but when I drive by there is nobody inside. In the Echo Park district I drive past a house (It's one of these houses anyway.) overlooking the lake that I attended a new year's eve party at the end of 1984 at (with Person D_SF). I eventually stop in at a coffeehouse in Silver Lake and read a newspaper and have a brownie. And start more recollections.
Over the past few days I have been reading all of the recent contact with Person G - some good and some fairly nasty, as expected. Two statements stick in my mind: the Person G statement of changing his profile to "on the rebound" and the other about "needing a couple months with no contact". All along I was hoping that both Person G and I would have our own separate epiphanies where we find a good compromise and live happily ever after. But now I realize that it isn't going to happen. It just strikes me in the middle of driving around. And now, with all of the soul-searching over the past few weeks, I have another revelation. It is my destiny to be a reasonable geek when it comes to low level science, engineering, algorithms, and technology. But the one that hurts is that it is my destiny to disappoint people when it comes to relationships.
It is time to go ice skate. I do the usual thing where I go around and try to help people who are struggling. A few, after getting comfortable, want to learn to skate backwards. I provide a couple of tips but clarify the issue with words to the effect that they should just have fun and get past this ice skating session with no broken bones and then we can talk about backwards. As I'm leaving at the end of the night a number of people thank me for helping them. I give them big smiles and feel good about helping.
I don't want to think about anything late on Saturday night (actually early Sunday morning). When I wake up later on Sunday morning there are empty Coca Cola cans in my bedroom (and I don't drink Coke) and I don't even try to count the number of open condom and "supply" containers that are laying around. I don't even want to think about it. But, fortunately, I wake up alone and I try to regain consciousness with three diet Cokes.
A good bicycle ride is followed by purchasing and planting the last 5 roses - two Queen Elizabeth, two Fame!, and an Intrigue. I go out and lift weights - a very good session as I try to overshadow my feelings of disappointment, disgust, and shame with feelings of physical pain. It doesn't work.
Late on Sunday I get out for a walk with and without Nopey in order to do some more thinking. Everyone has their strengths and everyone has their weaknesses. I just haven't found my place in this world yet.