Content-type: text/html Ray Manning

Monday, August 19, 2002 9:15 AM

My Startling Discovery - A Rebuilding Year


Professional sports team often refer to certain years as "rebuilding years". Perhaps after a roster is decimated due to salary caps, free agency, and retirements, the coach tries to rebuild and asks the fans for patience for a year or so.

I realize that the past year (approximate) has been a rebuilding year for me. Beginning with the fuzzy occasions of the breakup with the KM (June 2001), the end of EOS support (August 2001), and other things, the past year has been a rebuilding year. But what have I learned over the past year? I've learned how weak and fragile my emotional health can be. I've learned how strong and determined my emotional health can be. I've made new friends. I've lost some friends. I've had many trying visits to Dr. L and Dr. B. And many good visits with Dr. L and Dr. B. I've learned html, javascript, and Perl for making pseudo-cool websites. And I'm sure I've figured out other things too.

I come home from work on Wednesday to find blood and feathers spread all over the driveway. It looks like Nopey got another bird. But some of the blood is inside the gate and some out - indicating that the bird was alive and got away from Nopey. At least I will not be facing a dead bird carcas on the kitchen floor.

Later on Wednesday I agree to accompany Person Roy to the airport in order to bring a whole mess of luggage back to Long Beach from some arriving people. We arrive just as the (delayed) flight is landing, but Person Roy's friends do not show up in the waiting area for almost two hours - it took them that long to get through customs with the number of international flights arriving at this hour. On this trip I have brought my passport and I am going to get on the first leaving international flight. It doesn't matter where it's going - I'm going to get on it. I have to explain to Person Roy that he will have to drive the truck back to Long Beach (Which he cannot do with a provisional driver's license.) or get someone to drive it. We also spend a fair amount of time waiting for the arriving passengers by waving at the other arriving passengers as they scan the crowd for somebody that they know. As expected, we get a lot of puzzled looks as people see us waving at them and they try to figure out who we are.

Finally our arriving passengers are seen and we load up the back of the truck and drive back to Long Beach. I am in bed and turning out the lights at 11:45pm.

Thursday is a very productive day at work. Why is it that Thursdays have been the most productive days for the entire summer? And Friday is a productive day at work and at home. There are models built, simulations run, algorithms developed, and documents written. When I get home I lift weights, do the laundry, mow the front and back yards, and work on a website.

Saturday I get out for a good bicycle ride, watch qualifying from Hungary, lift weights, do some errands, rollerblade for an hour, and try to relax. It is Brandon's last night in Los Angeles before he heads off to pharmacy school, so we go out and play. At the club in West Hollywood I meet up with Joe and Brandon. We each play in our own ways. During the evening I recieve a couple of offers. The first is looking promising until the person volunteers that he lives in Sherman Oaks. What would I have in common with someone who voluntarily lives in the Valley? The second is near the end of the evening. The DJ comes out of his booth and down the stairs and gives me a sheet of paper, "Read this." I acknowledge the paper and put it in my pocket. Ten minutes the later the DJ comes back down and says, "Make sure you read that." I nod my head in agreement.

As the last call on alcohol is heard and after Brandon has twice asked for a ten minute extension on how long we are going to stay, I hear a voice from beside me, which I do not initially recognize because of my ear plugs, say, "I feel so lonely. Please come and f*#$ me again."

I turn to see who it is. The discovery shocks me into action. I rapidly go get Brandon and say that we are leaving now. On the way out I give a wave to the DJ even though I have not read the paper yet.

Brandon and I are hurrying out the door. As we're crossing streets to make our way back to the car I open up the sheet of paper. The DJ has said, paraphrased, that the DJ has been watching me all evening and thinks I'm hot and wants me to call. The phone number of the DJ is on the paper. I don't need complications in my life right now and I hand the paper to Brandon to read and he gets excited (even if I am confused). I stuff the paper back in my pocket as we pass through West Hollywood park. The sprinklers are on for the grass, but what we both see next shocks us a bit. There is a man, completely naked, taking a shower with soap in the sprinklers in the park at 2:10 am. I guess this is what you do if you have no place to live and/or call home.

I'm in a hurry to drop Brandon off and get to sleep - let's put an end to this right now. Brandon keeps telling me to slow down, saying, "There's a curve ahead and it says that the speed limit is 35 mph. You should slow down."

And, as happened with Person J_VKPI a few weeks ago, this spurs me on with, "But that means that you should be able to double it. 35 mph for the driver and 35 mph for the passenger." I only break into one diatribe as we're going around another corner about traction control and stuffing the driver ahead who is only going 50 mph. I finally have to tell Brandon to close his eyes as I drive.

I'm in bed and asleep (alone) at 3am on Sunday morning.

I'm up on Sunday morning before 7 am to watch a race, go for a run, talk with Person T* about her son who fell last night and broke his arm, watch another race, and go rollerblading. I have waited an extra week past what Dr. L suggested as the time to start running again to let avoid the risk of infection and other complications. The run goes well and I feel well on the road to recovery. Though it is an emotional day - I don't know why - perhaps consistent with recent high readings of eosinophils and HGOT/SSGT liver enzymes and 60 days of sobriety. For Person T* the best that I can offer is, "Healthy kids are going to be running and jumping around a lot and are going to get hurt. Kids are supposed to break bones." And this actually helps. There's another little incident where a stranger contacts me and says, paraphrased, "I saw your website and I recognize you from the clubs." I handle Person M_C with dignity and have a nice conversation. Person M_C is a financial analyst/accountant and you never know when one of those may come in handy.

During the afternoon rollerblading with overcast weather there are very few people out cycling, running, walking, and skating. I see a ChiChi struggling with the skating and skate alongside him to offer sum suggestions. Person F_C appreciates the help and we have a few good discussions about school, places to live, cycling, and rollerblading. A card comes out and now Person F_C has my number to call for rollerblading next Saturday.

The concept of a rebuilding year comes back to me and it is a good match for the previous year of activities. But, if this has been a year of rebuilding, what does a rebuilt Ray do?